| Thank you for checking out my LJ.. |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|07:02 pm] |
Due to time restrictions, I won't be able to update my LJ as often as I want to.
But please do check out my blog at http://chompy.i.ph for the latest updates on me. Please also visit my other experimental v7ndotcom elursrebmem blog at http://v7ndotcomelursrebmem.i.ph. Thanks!
Ciao!
^_^ |
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| back from the dead.. |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|03:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
ey you guys.. i guess this means i didn't stop/cancel my account here. wassup? help naman in customizing my page o.. any tips? =) |
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| i have to sleep!! |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|03:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whirring of the fan blades.. | ] |
its 3am.. i have a trip to clark later ng 630am.. when do i get my sleep?? =( |
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| Livin la vida loca.. |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|02:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wouldn't it be nice? | ] |
I am definitely one insane woman. last post i was really realy down.. and now my spirits are really really up.. oh.. my school load is still the same.. heavier than ever.. there's pressure from all of my organizations.. disappearing acts of my money is still rampant.. but im happy.. i have no boyfriend but im happy just the way i am.. granted that i could be happier but for now, i just want to relish the moment. |
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| releasing some angst.. |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|03:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breakdown by Mariah Carey | ] |
i know i know i said i was going to delete my account but i never got around to doing it, and now, i need to blow off some steam.. please bear with me..
the -ber months have started, and christmas season is one of the loneliest times of the year for me, with valentines coming in a close second.. during gatherings or dinner out with friends or family, i would be all smiles.. by myself.. projecting a very strong person needing nobody for whatever reason.. i am a very strong person, physically, emotionally, mentally.. and nothing much pretty shakes me but at this very moment.. i feel very sensitive and vulnerable.. i am sad.. i am lonenly..
once, a long long time ago.. i felt what it was like to be really loved by a person who was very special.. someone who i thought i could spend the rest of my life with.. well, things don't always go exactly the way we plan.. the thing is.. when that person left me.. my whole world shattered.. and my friends were the ones left to pick up my broken pieces.. they tried to help patch myself up, and i have resolved that i would be stronger this time.. i wont allow myself to get hurt..
this philosophy of mine gave me a newly found strength i didn't knew i had in me.. and it also gave me happiness.. but for every moment i was happy.. there were 10 moments of unhappiness and hurt.. i was baffled.. i told myself i wouldn't fall in love.. well, i did not... but still.. i got hurt.. i thought that i was already past that stage but i guess i'm not.. i read somewhere that we can ve strong and invincible in some aspects but still be weak and vulnerable in others.. it's so frustrating..
i guess the problem with me is that i tend to always rationalize (just like what im doing now) everything and everyone's actions.. im a pretty optimistic person but the more i rationalize, the more i get depressed.. the solution for me is to not think too much but that's easier said than done.. sleep is my only reprieve but there are times it's not that.. for my fears haunt me even in my dreams..
when will i be loved again? when will i be able to look into the eyes of a person who will say i love you and mean it? when will my hurting stop? when will this numbing pain go away? pain is good.. because to feel means i am still alive.. and that there is still hope.. sometime in the near future.. |
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| Breakdown by Mariah Carey |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|03:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breakdown | ] |
Mariah Carey - Breakdown
You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me
But that you're just not in love
Immediately, I pretended
To be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was OK
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me
Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry
So, what do you do
When somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection
Is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I Will Survive"
Do you lash out and say
"How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain
As they just slip away
Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry
Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry
Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry
Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry |
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| farewell.. |
[Sep. 4th, 2004|04:26 pm] |
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nakakailang posts pa lang ako pero i would now be deleting this account. dont despair, ill be making a new and better one. sometime soon i hope. i need time!!! |
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| somebody please kill me now.. |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|07:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
i am so confused... somebody pls cut me up with an axe.. coz that's what i feel right now.. to answer my problems.. i might be going to cagayan tom, while at the same time, i have to go to sagada too.. =( que horror!! add that i have several reports and exams for this week too.. eek! |
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| past three days.. |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|08:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | let me be the one | ] |
thurs: i had the worst dysmenorrhea ever.. my grandmother got so scared she wanted to rush me to the hospital. that was really a bad, bad day for me.. i also wasn't able to go to class.. =(
friday: dysmenorrhea again, but more bearable this time, thanks to ponstan.. kaso, lbm naman.. :'( afternoon, i felt a little better so i was able to help my orgmates set up for acoustic jameng'g,... wasn't able to stay all through out the night as i had a major headache.. went home and missed the inuman afterwards.. =(
saturday: longest midterm exam ever for t168.. sir bonoan really squeezed our brains dry.. good thing its over..
8:40pm: eating so much now, my stomach's about to burst.. =9 |
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| the village.. |
[Aug. 12th, 2004|08:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the reason by hoobastank | ] |
yesterday, i was supposed to watch collateral but watched the village instead.. (btw, why is collateral priced higher than the other films??) the movie was spolied for me because as i was going about my uhh.. thing.. there's this 2 ladies who just finished watching the film and said.. " eh yung *toot* naman pala e.." which of course told pretty perceptive me what the plot of mostly is about.. grr... not only that.. they went on to say that.. "hindi ko nagustuhan.. buti pa yun (name of the newest movie of john lloyd and bea, i dunno e)".. duh! then why did they choose the village if their thing are cheesy tagalog flicks?? then spoil the movie for the other movie goers??? grr... |
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